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European terror levels August 31, 2006

Posted by Al in : funny,politics , trackback

You see – Yahoo Groups (and their users) can sometimes be good for some things. Take this recent assessment of European terror threat levels as an example.

The British are really feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings, and have again raised their security level, this time from “Miffed” to “Somewhat Annoyed.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Little Bit Cross.” Londoners have not been “A Little Bit Cross” since the Blitz in 1940, when tea supplies very nearly ran out. Also, terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the Brits issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was when someone started the Great Fire of London in 1666.

Elsewhere in Europe, threats have not yet been so serious. Nevertheless the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Hide” to “Run” (the only two higher levels in France are “Surrender” and “Collaborate.”). This rise was precipitated by a recent small fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy is also on a heightened level of alert, and has increased it’s security level from “Shout Excitedly and Gesticulate” to “Start Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides Immediately.”

Meanwhile the Germans decided to increase their alert state straight from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs” (thus missing out the intermediate level of “Shouting Rudely at Foreigners”), a security status they seem to use whenever they can get an excuse. However they still have two higher levels: “Invade Poland”, and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on vacation as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.



1. compucoach - August 31, 2006

As an ex-seviceman i found this hysterical, cheers Al